Sweet · Love

April 25th and I will have been engaged for a year and only one more year until we are married. Doug has talked me into getting another puppy! lol cant say i disagree and Ruger will love the extra company. :)
On to wedding news...
We/I have changed the colors; which is funny because people said I would. I haven't done anything! I have gotten as far as choosing colors. I dont want to stress and I have the ideas. now it will be so much easier to come together. 
I dont know, this entry is scatterbrained like i've been lately :)  
I'll post an inspiration board later.
The house is coming along we have the family room almost done and the dinning room has been semi-painted. It's just nice to come home after work or form a day of running around and fall asleep on my couch while watching t.v. lol I know it's going to take a little more time but the living room is next and then floors.
Well it's early and I have to get somethings together before work.
So, later! :)

 

Current Mood:

contemplative

I cant believe I have been talked into finally buying one of my dream cameras! Do I need it no but for some reason everyone seems to think I need it! Its not all bad I am just thinking now that the furniture I was trying to save for is not in the cards right now! geez I m a softy I should have stuck to my guns.

Current Mood:

ecstatic

Ha, I like that title. My brain could turn to mush with all that I've been contemplating lately. It seems that I will be proposed to any day now! I am stuck between what this will mean. don't get me wrong I want to marry Doug and live with him forever; I just want to get somethings with me squared away. I want to take a trip just me before my new life starts. Doesnt everyone do something like that? I am truly happy and everything seems to have panned it's self out. So, what  'am I waiting for?! lately I have felt like Im waiting... for what? Yeah I know... what? nothing is really missing I ve made my own life and I think I might just be having an early mid-life crisis. At least I havent lost my mind, yet. lol Right now I m suck on "...one day at a time." But I am not addicted to anything. I take that back books I love books, learning and fun. Those seem like great addictions to me! Life! 
I ve settled down I m not feeling wild or crazy.. I go out when I feel lke it and I love me! What else is there? why does this question keep coming up? Why does every entry feel so existential? 

"Oh, good grief!"
That's right Charlie Brown!! lol

Current Mood:

contemplative

Well I have been thinkin' ... that's right not really something new to me. I have lost my super close friends this year but I have gained a few really great ones in turn. (Sorry to those who were left out because I work too muchI am now 23 and starting "real adult life" whatever that means! Anyway, I have come to the conclusion I'm not quite sure what I want. Believe you me I have thought about it long and hard. The over all answer comes out... "What the shit, you'll figure it out!" and I can say I know who I want and where I would wish to be in a few years so that's the first step, right?! "Hell yea!!" That's all I can really ask for. I miss being that care free chick who goes with the flow (work sux) and I have to get over trying to think even believe that the people who spawned me are going to grow up. It's time for "me, me, and me!!!" I need to spend more time with my family most def. and I really do think that should be an effort they should be willing to make to keep in touch with me too.

When it comes to wishing I was married with a house and (eventually) a family; you know what, it will come and I m not waiting around for it I know I am loved and I love deeply in return. That is good enough for now. I don't want to make the mistake and start asking myself "'am I really in love or 'am I just comfy?" a lot of relationships end because the girl can't wrap her head around what she is truly looking for and that girl won't be me. 

Oh, to all my friends out there who are newlyweds and are starting families... Congrats!! I am just a smidgen jealous. So for now tis' the end of the year and time to start fresh again can't wait!

Well, at least I am excited are you?

Current Mood:

curious

When you are in high school or elementary even, you are asked that age old question "where do you see yourself in 5/10 years?" and your normal answer is "i don't really know" or "graduating from college then starting a family?!" 
Well its been the ten to five year mark for me and nothing of that nature has happened, yet! I have changed yet again what I want to be when I grow up and why I just cant commit to one thing I may never know.  I' ve been in the workforce since I was 16  doing everything from photography to retail sales with tools, animals and makeup and spa products. i have been great at selling all of these things because of my connection with people. 
What do I want to do? I love working with people and I love helping people so my mother thought that I should go into social work. (Just like her!) i don't know it's not a bad idea but what am I cut out for? I think that I have to stop changing my mind and just jump in head first. I don't really have a job/career commitment yet. So now would be the best time to go to school, full time. Just my gen ed classes then move on from there. 
Then there is my relationship. I have been dating this great and prince of a guy for six years. I think I am just afraid that if we don't commit to something soon he'll drop me. I do have this huge fear of being abandoned. Why, I m not quite sure but I think that I m rushing and not really giving myself time to grow. Who knows... Right now there is a lot going on in my life but it's the norm. for me anyhow. 

Current Mood:

curious

Its a new summer! Everything I said in my last journal entry is even better than one can imagine. I work for an awesome shop in a high end mall with the title of manager, lol.  My apprenticeship will be starting this month, finally! And I am loved who could really ask for more right now.
 I have had some trying times in the last few months but they are finally over. I have to move on or I’ll become one of these people who constantly complain how much life and the world sucks. So, not me!! I think I would like to get a tattoo soon something meaningful and not a tramp stamp! Maybe something that symbolizes my trials and family. If anyone has any ideas I am open.

Current Mood:

flirty

I have been thinking for awhile now about my life and what I should do career wise. So I have chosen to just do a few things until I accomplish my ultimate goal.  I am starting an apprenticeship at a salon and I am starting an independent business soon. I think that is good for now! I am only 22 I have my whole life ahead of me. Ok enough with the future… My dad flipped out on me last night. Sometimes I think he’s going crazy. I have decided to move out. I guess it’s time considering my age. That’s all for now it will probably be awhile before I writer again.

Current Mood:

creative

Chapter  1

    Most people go out for new years this year I decided to stay in. We played board games and just rested. Later that night we watched a movie, Lady in the water, and cuddled up on the couch. Doug and I are doing great! Last year we had a few bumps in the road but all is great now. I couldn't ask for a better relationship. To tell the truth I never thought we would get back together. I know we have been in each others lives for five years now and people said you never realize what you got till it's gone but we really had some issues. There are days that I think about what has happened between us and days when I don't feel like I matter in his life.  Who doesn't have those feelings when they start a new relationship. It's a part of starting SOMETHING NEW. I know I matter to him and he tells me he loves me all the time. Right now I just thank god that we worked it out and we are just being our selves and thats all I can ask for. 
It's a new year who knows what will happen. I haven't even decided what I want to do with my life. Do I want to go to college or  take cosmetology classes? I don't know?! I wish there was an easy way to find out if the path you have chosen is the right one or if you are just biding your time untill the next life.  Me personally I have been going to church again. I don't know if I am trying to find myself spiritually or if I just feel safer with this religious decision. Who really cares what religion I am anyway, as long as I am that bubbly Lauren everyone seems to like. 
I do have to say I have lost some friends and I have gained a few new ones and I am thinking about trying to mend old ones. Sometimes I feel like I need a sign. 
The only thing I can say for certain...

I am HAPPY!!! :D

Current Mood:

loved